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To fit in or not to fit in? That is the question

Why is it so hard?

Once upon a time, I felt free and answered to no one. I didn’t try to fit in and it worked well for me.


Then life happened. Fear began to dictate my actions and I lost myself. Choices felt heavy and putting myself “out there” seemed foolish. Like a wild horse, I was broken and obedient.

Ambitions seemed out of reach then. 

Not that I didn’t believe in my own greatness. Hell, no. I knew my greatness but I thought that others either wouldn’t accept it or would be intimidated by it (co-dependents, I’m talking to you). So I hid it and denied that part of myself.

Trying to fit in was my new game. It didn’t work. In fact, I failed spectacularly. 

When my spirit died, my body began to wither along with it.

Exercising was too much effort so I rocked the skinny untoned look. It worked for a while, until it didn’t.

You know that “This isn’t where I belong. What tha fuck am I doing in this place?” feeling? I’m pretty sure you do. We all have at some point in our lives.

Dealing with negative thoughts

So, while my soul and body slowly died, these were the thoughts that circulated in my head on a constant cycle. So, I jumped off the carousel and began to explore other options.

After a few trips through the haunted house that stored all my fears and regrets, I wasn’t so scared anymore. 

I realized that these fears from the past can’t actually hurt me anymore (if I was willing to see them for what they were – memories)

Only my fears of the future had the power to hurt me. I wasn’t going to let that happen anymore.

It’s like when you’ve been through the haunted house at the amusement a few times and you know what’s coming up next. You know there’s a scary monster around the next corner, and even if it does scare you again, it can’t hurt you the way it did the first time around. That’s part of the deal with haunted houses. They’re not allowed to touch you.

You may feel afraid but you understand that it’s the feeling that has control of you and not the actual circumstance/person/etc..


I’m getting off track here.

I don’t fit in. I’m guessing that you don’t either. That’s why you’re reading this, isn’t it? So, what are we going to do about it?


To fit in or not fit in

We’re going to love ourselves and not let others define us.

We’re going to search until we find the people who celebrate who we are and who encourage us to be comfortable with ourselves. Black, white, brown, caramel, pink, tall, short, fat, skinny, uncommonly smart, not as smart as you want to be, athletic, weakling, all round talented and everyday average people, not only do we belong in this world but the world needs us as we are.

That voice in your head that tells you not to bother trying, that people will laugh and try to tear you down, that voice isn’t your own.

That voice is the voice of everyone who’s ever told you that you’ll never succeed, that you shouldn’t bother trying.

You’ve internalized that voice and, because you’ve heard those words so often, now you mistake it for your own. It’s not your own voice so you can ignore it.

Your voice is the one that dreams and sees yourself succeeding.


This isn’t about being enough.

This isn’t about “being enough”. You know you’re good enough. Now you need to share it with the world. We need to see more people like you because, and this isn’t a secret, the fake ass happy, shiny bullies of the world have had their place in the spotlight for too long now.

It’s our time to shine now. All awkward, unlikely and beautifully rebellious parts of ourselves.

Let your freak flag fly high. 

The best part of this is that the more you fly that flag, the more you’ll meet people and discover that you’re not so different or strange after all. 

We’re all a little bit different and the more we show and accept this, the better off we’ll all be.