Our problem solving socially anxious brains

Our brains are problem solving machines. Every thought we have sends a command to another part of our brains to look for evidence that it’s true. If it’s not true then we know to ignore it and move onto another thought. If it is true, then our brains assess whether it’s a threat (our heartbeat and stress chemicals will let it know) or not.

Brains that are socially anxious look for proof that we’re in a dangerous situation and should be in defensive mode.

What happens when we’re feeling anxious in any type of social situation is that we have thoughts that are based on fears. We fear people don’t like us, that we need to stay quiet or maybe that we’re not good enough to be where we are, and so, should swatch out for rejection and humiliation.

Looking for proof

When our socially anxious brains tell us these things, our brains immediately start looking for proof that it’s true.

What if, when we find ourselves looking for proof that we are defective and unlikable, we look for proof of the opposite instead.

Our brains will then start scouring the landscape looking for proof. The proof may come in tiny doses but it will come. It will arrive in small smiles, welcoming gestures, and shy eye contact from other socially anxious people (we’re everywhere!)

Or, it may come in bigger doses. But it is there.

We just have to look for it.

In case you missed it (I do ramble..), the point is that our brains will do it’s best to support any thought or idea we have. That is why it’s so important to be aware of our thoughts.

We can’t choose the first thoughts that pop up in our heads. What we can do is be aware of them. From there we can choose to redirect them to a more helpful and interesting awareness.