Advice on making eye contact

I remember that every time someone would make eye contact with me, I would remember the phrase, “Eyes are the window to the soul”. For some people, that sounds sexy. For those who suffer from social anxiety, it sounds like a threat. It sounds as though making eye contact meant that others could see who I really was – a scared, angry and confused soul just trying to find my place in the world.

Needless to say, I’ll say it anyway, I did my best not to make eye contact with anyone. If you’re like me and want to learn how to overcome this, read on for some advice that helped me.

GAMIFY IT

Making eye contact always feels so serious to me. What I do instead now is turn it into a friendly game of a staring contest.

You may not actually want to win this friendly game but if you do, you may feel a new sense of power. A word of caution though, you don’t want to be the winner every time or you may be seen as aggressive. “Winning” sometimes is ok. Winning every time is a form of anti-social behaviour that won’t win you any friends.

The point of playing the staring contest game is to practice making eye contact and become comfortable with it.

Hot tip: If the staring goes on for more than 30 secs, depending on whether it’s a social or professional situation, either look away (give the other person the “win”) or smile/wink/raise your eyebrows in a wiggle. It’ll break the ice because I guarantee you that the other person is also feeling awkward from the long eye contact.

HOLD THE EYE CONTACT FOR 1 SECOND

Sometimes we over estimate how long we need to make eye contact with people.The truth is that even holding eye for one second can help to make a connection with someone.Sometimes even a half second is enough. Our brains process information faster than we can imagine.

CATCH THEM OFF GUARD

I like looking at people when they’re looking away. Knowing they’ll eventually look at me, I try to watch them until they turn to me and then I hold the eye contact for maybe one or two seconds, then look away.Then maybe look back briefly to assure them that I haven’t lost interest in what they’r doing or saying. Then I look away again and recover from the work I just did.

Making eye contact with people can be scary but the more you do it, the easier it’ll get. Yes, it will probably take a little while so don’t expect to master it the first time you try it.

Stay with it though. Doing this along with other exercises will help you become the social creature you were born to be.